


when we were very young

by mp3



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, F/M, M/M, Modern Era, Multi, Rated E for later chapters, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, kind of, uzumaki naruto the ultimate flirt, young adulthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:20:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mp3/pseuds/mp3
Summary: It’s a secret he’ll take to his grave - the nightmares of war, of blood on his hands, the chirping of birds and the flickers of light. It just so happens that the boy from his dreams is his childhood best friend and new roommate.Or, Sasuke graduates university and struggles to manage his New Adult Job, his frequent nightmares of a life lived long ago, and his (teensy-tiny-maybe) crush on Naruto.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	when we were very young

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this a few days ago and ever since i remembered this sasusaku fic that i started writing four years ago and never finished so maybe expect me to post that next, or the next chapter of this. who knows, we may even get an update of cynosure lmao who's to say !  
> anyways pls enjoy <3

It’s been a while since he’s dreamed, Sasuke knows. 

There’s a ruin before him, all rubble and dirt and smoke, and  _ gods  _ is his head killing him. His muscles ache in protest as he tries to get up from his place sprawled across the pavement. Rain pours from the sky and marrs the pavement with its moisture, mourning. He turns to face his left, where he can see the hospital’s wreckage amongst the leveled trees. 

_ Sakura _ , he thinks, and his heart aches. He musters enough strength to face his right, just barely, and he can nearly make out Hashirama’s face among the remains of the Hokage Monument. 

_ Konoha _ , he remembers slowly.  _ This is Konoha.  _

He lets the rain soak his hair, his clothes, run down his face and wash away the pain. But the pain doesn’t leave,  _ never  _ leaves, he remembers, and it’s then that his head falls the rest of the way to the pavement and his eyes slide into focus. It takes everything in him to not cry out, to not scream _ fuck the pain _ and move himself anyways, because lying across from him is Naruto. 

Naruto, bloodied and bruised and  _ broken _ , and Sasuke reaches out a hand that isn’t there. The blonde’s eyes are half-open, blackened and lifeless. It takes all of his strength to flip onto his stomach, but he does, and two rolls later he’s at Naruto’s side. He focuses his chakra into his hand in a very basic, genin-level medical ninjutsu that Sakura had taught him. He scans Naruto’s chest and head slowly, desperately, but finds nothing to ease the heaviness in his chest. His arms give out, finally, and he lays with his cheek squished against the cobblestone, sole hand slipping off of his best friend’s torso to rest on his wrist. 

_ We lost _ , he realizes, although there’s no satisfaction in the puzzle piece sliding into place.  _ We lost, and there’s nothing left _ . He does his best to remember, recalls celebrating Sarada’s birthday just the evening before, the look on her face as she blew out the 16 candles lit atop her cake - remembers thinking he’d do anything to keep her as happy as she was in that moment. He remembers meeting Naruto’s gaze from across the kitchen table and exchanging private smiles, meant for no soul but the other, as Sakura cut the cake. And he remembers, above all else, wondering how everything could be  _ so perfect _ . 

Sasuke succumbs to the blackness engulfing his vision, and wonders.

* * *

“YOU DID IT, BASTARD!”

Sasuke turns around just in time to dodge the blonde bounding towards him, blue eyes proud and wide. Sasuke cracks a smile as Naruto pulls him into some rough iteration of a side-hug, pulling his graduation cap off and putting it on himself, eyes disappearing in mirth. Sasuke runs his fingers through his sweaty black hair as Naruto blows the tassel away from his face in a loud huff of air. 

“My little Sasu-kins, all grown up,” he weeps, wiping an invisible tear from the corner of his eye. 

“Indeed he is,” Itachi chimes in from his place beside Sakura, who also dons a graduation cap and gown of her own. He lets go of her hand only to retrieve his phone from Neji, who had been taking pictures of the couple until Naruto had come bounding up to the group, seemingly the last to locate them. 

“You look beautiful, Sakura,” the blonde adds, shyly rubbing the back of his head. 

“Thank you, Naruto,” she responds, smiling brightly and leaning into her boyfriend. Sasuke resists the urge to roll his eyes. Or gag. Or both. Yeah, he’s strongly considering both. Although Sakura and Itachi had been dating for over a year already, Sasuke still found it weird to see one of his best friends since he was a teenager making lovey-dovey faces at his  _ brother _ , of all people. 

“Hey, party-people!” Ino chirps, pulling Shikamaru along with her as she approaches their small group. “We’ll see you all tonight, won’t we?” she asks, blinking her bright blue eyes innocently. Sasuke fights a grimace. Although he was just as happy about graduating as the next person, he couldn’t muster the same excitement at the prospect of another college party just to celebrate  _ leaving  _ college. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, pig,” Sakura shoots back, and Ino smiles brilliantly before disappearing in a whirl of blonde hair and vanilla perfume. 

“Hey, Itachi, take our picture, would you?” Naruto asks, already handing the elder his phone before Sasuke can even process that he was talking about him. Naruto wraps one arm around Sasuke’s neck, his free hand forming a peace sign as he sticks his tongue out. “Say  _ I’m so fucking glad I’m out of this hellhole _ on three!” He exclaims, and Sasuke doesn’t need to say anything at all - it’s beyond obvious, how he’s feeling. He chances a glance at Naruto, at the wide grin on his face, the crinkle of his eyes under the weight of his smile. The blonde turns to look at him, too, and Sasuke lets himself smile. 

Things might have changed as the years progressed, and he may have even grown. But standing there on his graduation day, staring at his smiling best friend under the sweltering Los Angeles sun, he knew some things would always remain the same. 

* * *

“‘M not gonna throw up, I swear,” slurs Naruto from where his head hangs out of Itachi’s passenger side window. 

“I’m not so sure about that, Naruto,” giggles Sakura, glancing at Sasuke from where she sits beside him in the backseat. Even in the dark, he can see the red glow of her face from the many (many,  _ many _ ) shots she had downed in the preceding hours. Sasuke meets her gaze and slouches down into his seat, half-guilty, the other half just plain drunk. It had been primarily his fault, as per usual, that Naruto was past plastered. It wasn’t Sasuke’s problem, however, that his infamous alcohol tolerance almost always sparked an unprovoked challenge on the blonde’s end to match him. Sasuke leans his head against the cool glass of the window beside him.

“With how much  _ all  _ of you drank, I’m surprised any of you even made it to the car on your own,” says Itachi, and Sasuke grimaces at the reminder. He closes his eyes and lets the gentle breeze entering through Naruto’s window calm his dizziness. 

“Are you kidding?” asks Naruto, momentarily pulling his head back into the vehicle. “This isn’t even half as bad as that ADO party freshman year,” he says wistfully. 

Sasuke shivers and shakes it off. Sakura cackles. 

“Don’t even get me started on  _ that _ ,” she says, and Sasuke vaguely recalls the taste of cherry Svedka and something about strip poker. 

“That was the best night ever,” says Naruto, longing lacing his words.

“You and I seem to remember that night very differently,” says Sasuke, and Naruto just flashes him an innocent smile from the passenger’s seat as Itachi pulls the car into their apartment complex. He makes a right turn, and then a left, and pulls up to their door - or as close as he can get to their apartment on the third floor. 

“Thanks for the ride, guys,” says Naruto before fumbling with the lock and half-stumbling into the street. Sasuke curses before exiting the car and rushing to the blonde, where he now lies in the grass. 

“Honestly, Naruto, you’re lucky we’ve known you for so long,” says Sakura as she steps out of the car to help Naruto to his feet. “I’m not sure your other friends would be so keen on helping you…” she pauses, eyeing him warily as he suppresses a gag, “...recover.” 

Sasuke simply huffs and puts his arm around Naruto, taking his weight off of Sakura. The blonde smiles as Itachi ducks down to peer at the three out of the passenger side window. “Are you two going to be okay on your own?” he asks. 

“We’re gonna be great! Sasuke is the best at taking care of drunk people, believe it!” He exclaims, and Itachi looks unconvinced.

“We’ll be fine,” Sasuke reassures him, doing his very best to come across as sober as possible. 

Sakura grins and pulls the two boys into a tight hug before opening the passenger door and getting inside. “Take care, you two,” she says, and Naruto salutes her. 

“We will,” answers Sasuke, before adding, “Text me when you get home safely.”

“Will do!”Sakura smiles and rolls up her window as Itachi drives off. Sasuke watches as the car gets smaller before eventually disappearing around the corner. 

“Let’s get you to bed, Naruto,” says Sasuke, dreading the two flights of stairs they will have to climb. He very likely will probably struggle himself with the trek in his drunken state, even more so with Naruto hanging on his neck. Sasuke adjusts Naruto’s hands on him and turns around, beginning the walk to their apartment. 

“I love living with you,” says Naruto, tripping half-way up the first flight. “Everyone said we would hate each other by now, but we don’t! We’re closer than ever, y’know?”

Sasuke rights himself against the wall and continues their ascent. “It’s been two weeks, Naruto,” he says, although Sasuke himself has been surprised thus far with his best friend’s evident attempts at cleanliness and organization in his presence. He supposed the blonde had to get used to putting forth such efforts, having lived with Shikamaru for so long before he had moved in with Ino a month prior.

“Yeah, but they’ve been the best two weeks ever! All we’ve done is play video games and cook together and you drive me around when I need it so I don’t have to ride my bike,” he elaborates, and Sasuke pauses at the top of the stairs to dig his key out of his pocket. 

“You know I start my new job next week, right? We’ll barely see each other after that, between your night classes and your internship,” says Sasuke as they make their way down the hallway.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Naruto pouts as they stop in front of their door. Sasuke slides his key in and unlocks the door, swinging it open and stumbling inside, still holding on to an impossibly drunk Naruto. Sasuke flips the lights on as Naruto takes a seat in the middle of the couch. Sasuke joins him with two bottles of water. 

“Drink,” he says, handing one to his friend. Naruto removes the cap and does as he’s told, moving to rest his head on Sasuke’s shoulder. 

“Sasukeeee,” says the blonde, and Sasuke’s freezes. 

_ “Sasukeeee,” Naruto slurs, leaning his head on his friend’s shoulder. _

_ It’s a balmy summer night in Konoha, and a rare day in his home village during which Naruto’s schedule isn’t chock full of meetings and paperwork finds the pair seated in a booth at their favorite bar in the entire village. Sasuke has many memories of coming here with varying combinations of his peers; throwing back shots with Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi after a particularly grueling yet successful mission many years ago, chugging drinks with Ino, Kiba, and TenTen in celebration, meeting with Shikamaru to discuss missions over a few beers…  _

_ Tonight is different. Tonight, it’s just Sasuke and Naruto, and while this in itself is nothing new, it’s the first time they’ve been able to meet like this since the blonde became Hokage. Sasuke sips his beer and locks eyes with the blonde.  _

_ Instead of continuing whatever he was going to ask or tell the other, Naruto leans over the other way until his face is pressed against the cool wooden paneling of the bar’s wall. He begins to hum a simple tune, tracing patterns on the table with the fingers of his prosthetic arm. Sasuke closes his eyes as he listens. The tune is all too familiar, he realizes, although it’s been quite a long time since he’s heard it. It brings him back to the D-rank missions of their genin days, the blonde humming the same tune as he picked weeds in the field, or washed dishes at Tazuna’s house in the Land of Waves, or routinely sharpened his weapons before a spar.  _

_ It makes him smile. _

Sasuke’s blood runs cold at the memory. He leans back against the couch and takes a long drink of his own water. 

“Sasukeeee,” Naruto repeats, and Sasuke turns his head slightly towards him where his cheek is squished against his shoulder. 

“What?” he asks warily, and he can feel Naruto’s growing smile against his skin. 

“I,” he begins, raising his head to look at Sasuke. The latter’s breath catches. Their faces are close, closer than they’ve ever been in either reality, maybe, and he can feel Naruto’s breath against his mouth. “I have an idea,” he says, perking up. He stands suddenly and disappears into his room, leaving Sasuke sitting on the couch by himself, breathless. 

He waits patiently for Naruto to return. He can hear him rummaging around in his drawers, and Sasuke almost gets up to check on him. However, he doesn’t even make it off of the couch before the blonde reappears in the doorway.

“Guess what Shikamaru left behind when he moved out,” he says, barely holding back his laughter. He holds up a small baggie with clumps of dried, green leaves inside.

Sasuke raises an eyebrow.

* * *

“This,” Sasuke starts, staring at Naruto where he rolls a joint across from him on their kitchen table, “Is a very bad idea.” 

Naruto shushes him dramatically, surprisingly focused despite his intoxication. It’s not that Sasuke has never smoked weed before, really, and it’s not that he’s scared of getting a knock at the door from neighbors who notice the stench (although that might be a part of it, now that he thinks about it). Rather, Sasuke knew all too well the kind of behaviors Naruto performed when high, much less crossfaded. Naruto makes a noise in the back of his throat as he holds up the joint in triumph. 

Sasuke stares at him, still not convinced. 

“It’ll help with the hangover,” says Naruto, sensing his reluctance, and Sasuke doesn’t even know where to begin with questioning that logic.

Ten minutes later finds the pair sitting on the living room floor, backs against the couch, passing the joint back and forth every two hits. They’ve opened the balcony door, as though it will make much of a difference when they’re blowing the smoke straight into the open air of the living room. 

Naruto passes it back to him. Sasuke inhales the smoke, and lets it go.

“I’m so fucking high, oh my god,” the blonde groans, and Sasuke stares at him in disbelief.

“You’ve taken three hits,” he says, and Naruto lays down on the carpeted floor. Sasuke puts the joint in their makeshift ashtray (a glass from their cupboard), and joins him on the floor. 

“It’s not my fault that my tolerance is shit,” Naruto whines, and Sasuke rolls his eyes. “It’s not! I haven’t smoked in two years, believe it!” He exclaims, and Sasuke turns to look at him, only to find the blonde already staring at him, cheek pressed against the floor. Sasuke’s breath catches, and he takes in the blonde’s face in the dim lighting of their living room - the slope of his nose, the dilation of his pupils, the curve of his lips. 

Naruto sits up and straddles his hips, reaching over him to grab the joint once more. If Sasuke wasn’t breathing before, he  _ definitely  _ wasn’t now. Naruto meets his gaze as he takes a hit, and Sasuke wonders if the heat in the pit of his stomach is the alcohol, the weed, or just Naruto’s effect on him. He swallows, and doesn’t dare to make a single move, watching his friend’s face carefully. 

“Man, I would kill for a burger right now,” Naruto says thoughtfully, a faraway look in his eyes. 

“Tough luck,” Sasuke manages, and Naruto stares at him and settles his weight back on Sasuke’s hips. Sasuke panics.  _ Is this a game to you?  _ “I...have to pee,” says Sasuke suddenly, although it’s not entirely a lie..

Naruto gets off of him with ease, settling for sitting against the couch once more. Naruto watches with careful eyes as Sasuke leaves the room and enters their shared bathroom. 

Once inside, Sasuke stares at himself in the mirror. What was he doing? If the idiot didn’t know about his budding feelings before, he certainly did now, with the way Sasuke was staring at him so intently. 

“ _ Stupid _ ,” he hisses to himself, grabbing a rag from the cabinet, running it under the faucet, and patting his face with the wet cloth. He felt clammy, cold and impossibly hot all at the same time. Despite the substances he had ingested in the hours prior, he had no doubt that his current state was more a reflection of Naruto’s actions. Sasuke sighs and folds the rag, puts it down on the counter. 

It’s not that he’s unsure whether or not the blonde returns his feelings - he knows that even if he doesn’t, they both care too much for the other to let any romantic feelings get in the way of their friendship. Rather, he’s not entirely sure of what he expects from Naruto. Does he want sex? A relationship? Sasuke isn’t all that experienced in either category, and Naruto knows this. But despite any confusion, he’s aware of a very small part of himself that deeply treasures their moments together in a way more than would be appropriate for a friend. Sasuke sighs and shakes his head, moving to leave the bathroom. 

As he steps out and turns off the lights, he catches sight of Naruto passed out on the couch. Sasuke walks over to him, pulls the blanket over his body, and makes sure his water is still in sight. He slides the balcony door closed, and Naruto curls into himself. 

Sasuke watches the blonde’s sleeping form from the doorway to his room, before stepping in and shutting the door behind himself.

* * *

He wakes up with a start. 

As he rises, Sasuke grabs his phone to check the time.  _ 5:47 a.m. _ He groans. 

It’s been another night of restless sleep, despite his intoxication. Usually, drunk Sasuke sleeps like a baby. But ever since he’d moved in with Naruto… 

He spares a glance at the blonde as he trudges his way to the restroom. The nightmares -  _ memories _ , he corrects himself - have been an almost nightly occurrence, since then. They had seldom ever been so vivid, either. He starts the shower with a sigh and thinks back to just a few hours ago, Naruto sitting on his lap, holding his gaze as he took a hit. The depth and darkness in those blue eyes, the  _ want _ . Sasuke steps into the shower and wonders if he had simply imagined it. It’s not like he had never entertained it, the possibility of Naruto returning his feelings. But, as he’d reflected last night, he didn’t know where they would go from there. Does he care for the blonde? Deeply. He’s been his best friend for twelve years, after all. But being best friends doesn’t mean that they would ever be ready for something more. So, Sasuke muses as he rinses the soap from his hair and body, he won’t act on those feelings -  _ can’t  _ act on those feelings. After all, he could never quite shake the hollow feeling in his chest when his friend would laugh, or smile, or - well, anything, really. It all reminded him so much of the dreams he’s been plagued with since he was a child. 

It’s with this thought that he begins his day. 

* * *

Suigetsu calls him frigid.

Sasuke throws a stapler at his head. 

The weeks following his graduation have been... hectic, to say the least. 

Sasuke had begun his new job at Sound Benefits as a business analyst, and his new coworkers are...eccentric, to say the least. They enjoy teasing him all too much, not scared in the least of his death glares and monotonous answers. One might think that Sasuke’s intentional and carefully-crafted unpleasant demeanor might be enough to discourage anyone with the idea that they might become friends from approaching him. These morons, however, didn’t seem to get the memo. It’s not that Sasuke minds having friends in the workplace, the way he didn’t mind having them at school or any of his previous jobs or internships - it’s just that he saw them as more of a distraction than anything else. With the exception of Naruto and Sakura, he’s always preferred for the majority of his friends to be from outside sports, or extracurricular activities. It was...easier, that way. 

Naruto was the same as always, although on the cusp of beginning his new internship as a multimedia graphic designer. Sasuke hasn’t given much more thought to the possible predicament posed by living with his best friend for whom he’s harbored feelings for many years, but he can say with confidence that it won’t be much of a problem. He had resolved to not act on his feelings, and he had every intention to keep that promise to himself. Things are fine as they are.

And the nightmares… well, they don’t let up in the slightest. The world of Sasuke’s dreams is filled with bloodshed, with strange eyes, with lightning flashes and too many nights spent alone. Naruto has begun to notice his strange sleeping schedule, too, he knows. The blonde isn’t stupid, no matter what anyone may say. It has actually been one of Sasuke’s greatest pleasures over the years to see his best friend prove any and all naysayers wrong with his booksmarts, despite his momentary and sometimes frequent gaps in common sense. Naruto has always been a night owl, even in high school when their soccer schedule had required them to be at school as early as five in the morning, at times. He sees his friend’s eyes track him almost nightly as he walks from his room to the bathroom at odd hours of the night, runs the faucet for a few seconds, pauses, and then walks right back out and retreats back to his room. He asks him about it, too, but Sasuke simply waves him off and confesses to anxiety-induced insomnia. Naruto nods slowly, false as it may be, but he seems to accept the information. And it works for him, until one night in mid June, when Sasuke wakes up to the blonde hovering worriedly over him on the couch. 

“-suke, I asked if you’re okay,” says Naruto, and Sasuke sees the crease in his brow, sees the worry etched in the lines of his face. The two had been watching some action movie on television, and both had fallen asleep at some point. Which means, Sasuke realizes with a pang of embarrassment, that he must have been talking or shouting in his sleep. 

“Yeah,” he responds, clearing his throat and moving to sit up. Naruto backs up and keeps his seat next to him, and the proximity is too close, really, for what Sasuke had been dreaming about just moments before. He remembers the chirping of birds, the flashes of light, the blur of orange as Naruto carries Sakura out of harm’s way - out of  _ his  _ way. He shivers. “Just a bad dream,” he reassures him.

Naruto looks pensive at this. “Do you...have bad dreams a lot?” he asks, and Sasuke doesn’t like the realization that the blonde seems to be coming to. 

“No,” he says firmly, stopping that train of thought in its tracks. “I don’t, actually. Just, sometimes... I dream about my dad, I guess.” It’s a plain lie, but Naruto seems to buy this, too. Sasuke hardly even remembers his father, could care for the man even less, and Naruto knows this, but the lie is easier than explaining the truth to him. Yet… 

Yet as Sasuke looks at him, he sees the trust swirling in oceans of blue. Sasuke’s heart clenches. There’s something about knowing someone for so long - growing up with them, knowing their deepest secrets and darkest fears - and then  _ lying  _ to them about something so monumental, that makes his chest ache in guilt. 

“Of course,” says Naruto, as if it were obvious. “I’m sorry. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here, y’know.”

Sasuke thinks, then, how much he just wants to let everything spill out. He wants to confess, wants to tell him his every dream, his every memory from that strange world. How easy it would be, to just let the weight off of his shoulders. 

But then he thinks of his father’s stares, his whispers to his mother, driving him to a psychologist an hour away just to make some sense of the dreams. He had confided in him, and his father had shown him that this was simply too big for anyone else to shoulder. 

Instead, Sasuke settles for making a show of stretching, raising his arms high above his head and yawning, before muttering a groggy, “I’m headed to bed.”

Naruto stares at him, television light casting shadows across his tan face in the darkness of their living room. Sasuke wants to reach out, smooth out the crease between his brows. He doesn’t. 

He stands, walks to his room, and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

**Author's Note:**

> i love writing sasukes pov  
> come talk to me on [tumblr](54turn.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/mp3twts) :)  
> comments are appreciated, as always. constructive criticism, everything.  
> catch you later !


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